Age signifies the duration and length of a person’s life journey. While wisdom and experience accumulate over time, the energy levels ebb and flow, and will eventually decline and wane.

According to the Department of Statistics, the proportion of Singapore citizens aged 65 and above has increased within 10 years – from 11.7% in 2013 to 19.1% in 2023. It is projected that by 2030, about one in four citizens will be aged 65 and above.

This means that more and more of us would have to really think about and plan for the amanah (responsibility) of caring for our elderly parents.¹

Read: Dua for Parents

Islamic Perspective to Care for Ageing Parents

From an Islamic perspective, caring for one’s parents is held in the highest regard, and it is not only considered as a duty but an act of worship and a way to attain Allah’s mercy and pleasure.² The Quran emphasises respect and care towards one’s parents³. Allah s.w.t. says in the Quran:

وَقَضٰى رَبُّكَ اَلَّا تَعۡبُدُوۡۤا اِلَّاۤ اِيَّاهُ وَبِالۡوَالِدَيۡنِ اِحۡسَانًا​ ؕ اِمَّا يَـبۡلُغَنَّ عِنۡدَكَ الۡكِبَرَ اَحَدُهُمَاۤ اَوۡ كِلٰهُمَا فَلَا تَقُلْ لَّهُمَاۤ اُفٍّ وَّلَا تَنۡهَرۡهُمَا وَقُلْ لَّهُمَا قَوۡلًا كَرِيۡمًا

“And your Lord has decreed that you do not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age (while) with you, say not to them (so much as), “uff”, and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word.”

(Surah Al-Isra’, 17:23)

The verse above highlights the importance of kindness and compassion towards parents, placing their care immediately after the worship of Allah. The duty of caring for parents is also emphasised by Prophet Muhammad s.a.w. in a hadith and he himself is a testament and exemplary in his treatment towards the elderly, irrespective of their faith and race. Ibn Salamah As-Sulami narrated that the Prophet s.a.w. said:

‏ أُوصِي امْرَأً بِأُمِّهِ أُوصِي امْرَأً بِأُمِّهِ أُوصِي امْرَأً بِأُمِّهِ - ثَلاَثًا - أُوصِي امْرَأً بِأَبِيهِ أُوصِي امْرَءًا بِمَوْلاَهُ الَّذِي يَلِيهِ وَإِنْ كَانَ عَلَيْهِ مِنْهُ أَذًى يُؤْذِيهِ‏ ‏.

"I enjoin each one to honour his mother, I enjoin each one to honour his mother, I enjoin each one to honour his mother (three times), I enjoin each one to honour his guardian who is taking care of him, even if he is causing him some annoyance." 

(Sunan Ibn Majah)

In another hadith, the Prophet s.a.w. raised the virtue and priority of filial piety above military jihad.

عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ عَمْرٍو، قَالَ جَاءَ رَجُلٌ إِلَى رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم يَسْتَأْذِنُهُ فِي الْجِهَادِ فَقَالَ أَحَىٌّ وَالِدَاكَ‏.‏ قَالَ نَعَمْ.‏ قَالَ ‏فَفِيهِمَا فَجَاهِدْ ‏.

“Abdullah bin ‘Amr said that a man came to the Prophet s.a.w. asking his permission to take part in jihad. The Prophet s.a.w. asked him, ’Are your parents alive?’ He replied in the affirmative. The Prophet s.a.w. said to him, ’Then exert yourself in their service.’” 

(Sahih Bukhari)

Read: Addressing Misconceptions: Jihad and Martyrdom

Caring for ageing parents involves a multifaceted approach. Here are four practical tips for us to care for our ageing parents: 

1. Physical, Emotional and Mental Support

In terms of physical care, it is crucial to prioritise their healthcare by ensuring regular medical check-ups, adherence to necessary vaccinations, as well as introducing balanced and nutritious meals. Additionally, assisting with mobility aids and making necessary home modifications such as non-slip mats and grab bars in the bathroom can help prevent falls and enhance their safety and independence. Check out AIC’s Community care services and HDB’s Enhancement for Active Seniors (EASE) programme.

Supporting elderly parents also involves providing emotional and mental care, which is essential for their overall well-being. According to a study done by the Institute of Mental Health (IMH), one in ten people aged 60 and above in Singapore has dementia⁴. Thus, to reduce the risk of dementia, it is encouraged to allow the elderly to participate in mind-stimulating activities, such as reading, solving puzzles, sudoku or even volunteering at the local mosques – which helps them stay connected with their communities and provides them with something to anticipate each day. 

However, there are some elderly people who withdraw themselves from society due to various reasons such as declining health and a range of psychological factors. 

Therefore, children need to be actively involved in their elderly parents’ lives – spending quality time and engaging them in meaningful conversations can also greatly uplift their spirits and allow them to feel valued and connected, despite any physical limitations and mental challenges they may face.

Read: 5 Powerful Duas for Protection Against Harm

2. Spiritual Guidance and Support 

As people age, the importance of a spiritual connection often deepens, providing comfort and a profound sense of purpose and meaning in their later years. For many seniors, engaging in religious activities and practices becomes a wellspring of strength and tranquillity, making it crucial to prioritise this aspect of their lives to prevent spiritual distress.

Therefore, facilitating prayers in congregation at home and organising Quranic recitation can enhance their spiritual and familial bonds. Providing access to books or videos on Islamic channels and encouraging them to participate or volunteer for mosque events is also recommended to help keep them mentally stimulated and spiritually and socially engaged.  

Additionally, family members can further support them in this spiritual aspect by enrolling in courses or classes under ADIL such as Fiqh for the sick, to better understand the unique needs of elderly with health challenges and to be well informed of the concessions (rukhsah) when fulfilling their religious obligations and acts of worship. 

Prophet Muhammad s.a.w. underscores the immense rewards of alleviating the hardships of others and offering assistance in their times of need, in a hadith narrated by Abu Hurairah; 

وَعَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ ‏- رضى الله عنه ‏- قَالَ: قَالَ رَسُولُ اَللَّهِ ‏- صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏- مَنْ نَفَّسَ عَنْ مُؤْمِنٍ كُرْبَةً مِنْ كُرَبِ اَلدُّنْيَا, نَفَّسَ اَللَّهُ عَنْهُ كُرْبَةً مِنْ كُرَبِ يَوْمِ اَلْقِيَامَةِ , وَمَنْ يَسَّرَ عَلَى مُعْسِرٍ, يَسَّرَ اَللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ فِي اَلدُّنْيَا وَالْآخِرَةِ, وَمَنْ سَتَرَ مُسْلِمًا, سَتَرَهُ اَللَّهُ فِي اَلدُّنْيَا وَالْآخِرَةِ, وَاَللَّهُ فِي عَوْنِ اَلْعَبْدِ مَا كَانَ اَلْعَبْدُ فِي عَوْنِ أَخِيهِ 

“Abu Hurairah narrated that the Prophet Muhammad s.a.w said: If anyone relieves a believer of his difficulties in this world, Allah will relieve him of his hardship on the Day of Resurrection. If anyone alleviates the needs of the needy, Allah will alleviate his needs in this world and the Hereafter. Whoever shields [or hides the misdeeds of] a Muslim, Allah will shield him in this world and the Hereafter. Allah will help His slaves as long as he helps his brother.” 

(Sahih Muslim) 

Look out for the following mosques offering ADIL Academic Year (AY) Programme, which will also have upcoming classes on Fiqh for the Sick:

• - Masjid Maarof (tentatively commencing on 29 September, 2024): https://learnislam.sg/class/adil-ay-24-masjid-maarof/
• - Masjid En Naeem (tentatively commencing on 19 October, 2024): https://learnislam.sg/class/adil-ay-24-masjid-en-naeem/
   

3. Financial Responsibilities and Support Systems

When it comes to shouldering financial responsibilities, families with multiple siblings are encouraged to engage in open discussions and reach mutual agreements on fair and equitable ways to share the load. Taking care of parents is a collective duty. This collaborative approach not only fosters a sense of shared responsibility⁵ but also ensures that the care provided is sustainable. Therefore, through unity and careful consideration, families can create a loving and comfortable environment for the parents, thereby fulfilling their religious obligations and attaining Allah’s pleasure together.  

Abdullah bin ‘Amr r.a. narrated that Prophet Muhammad s.a.w. said:

‏ رِضَا الرَّبِّ فِي رِضَا الْوَالِدِ وَسَخَطُ الرَّبِّ فِي سَخَطِ الْوَالِد‏

“The Lord’s pleasure is in the parent’s pleasure, and the Lord’s anger is in the parent’s anger.”

(Sunan At-Tirmizi)

Unfortunately, some individuals may not have the support of family connections. In this regard, they can seek assistance from various organisations such as the Agency for Integrated Care (AIC), Ministry of Health and MyLegacy@LifeSG.

Another crucial aspect of financial planning especially for ageing individuals, is ensuring the legal documents such as a valid Will and Lasting Power of Attorney (LPA) – not only for financial matters but also for preferences regarding medical care in situations where they are unable to communicate their wishes – are thoroughly prepared and updated. These documents will safeguard and uphold an individual’s financial and personal interests, while also providing clarity and direction for the family members, thereby, minimising the potential for legal disputes and emotional stress. 

4. Educating on Current Issues for their Safeguarding

Protection Against Scams

Another proactive step in ensuring the safety and well-being of elderly parents involves remaining vigilant against potential scams or frauds that often target vulnerable adults. By staying informed and aware of common tactics used to exploit seniors, it can better protect them from falling victim to financial exploitation. For more tips and resources, visit www.csa.gov.sg, www.scamalert.sg or call the Anti-Scam Helpline at 1800-722-6688.

Digital Literacy Training

According to IMDA’s Digital Society Report 2023, seniors’ digital literacy skills have improved sharply but lacked confidence in spotting scams. As caregivers, we can equip them with digital literacy training by providing them with the necessary skills to navigate the digital landscape safely and confidently. One such initiative is through RLAF’s Digital Transformation for Seniors (DTS) project, which aims to enable seniors to continue on a lifelong journey of digital learning and adoption, with lessons conducted at various mosques islandwide. Check out their recent updates on Instagram!

A Holistic and Balanced Approach to Cope With Caring for Ageing Parents

While the Quran underscores the duty of caring for parents, it also provides comforting assurance that Allah never places a burden on anyone beyond their capacity and every challenge we encounter is tailored to our capabilities. Allah s.w.t. says in the Quran: 

لَا يُكَلِّفُ ٱللَّهُ نَفْسًا إِلَّا وُسْعَهَا ۚ لَهَا مَا كَسَبَتْ وَعَلَيْهَا مَا ٱكْتَسَبَتْ

“Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear. All good will be for its own benefit, and all evil will be to its own loss.”

(Surah Al-Baqarah, 2:286)

It's completely natural to feel overwhelmed, sad, or frustrated – these are emotions that we all experience at different points in our lives. Islam acknowledges these feelings and encourages us to be gentle with ourselves, understanding that these emotions are part of our human experience. 

However, it also guides us to manage them thoughtfully, especially when interacting with our loved ones, like our elderly parents⁷. Islam teaches us to be mindful of our actions, ensuring that our emotions don't lead us to act in ways that we might later regret.

Allah s.w.t. says in the Quran:

ٱلَّذِينَ يُنفِقُونَ فِي ٱلسَّرَّآءِ وَٱلضَّرَّآءِ وَٱلۡكَٰظِمِينَ ٱلۡغَيۡظَ وَٱلۡعَافِينَ عَنِ ٱلنَّاسِۗ وَٱللَّهُ يُحِبُّ ٱلۡمُحۡسِنِينَ

“Those who spend (in the cause of Allah) during ease and hardship and (those) who restrain anger and who pardon the people – and Allah loves the doers of good.”

(Surah Ali-’Imran, 3:134)

Here are a few ways that might help you navigate through this difficult time:

1. Take Care of Yourself: Taking care of yourself is not selfish; it is necessary. If you neglect your own well-being, you won’t be able to care for your parents effectively. Allocate time for rest, prayer, and activities that rejuvenate your mind, body and soul. Remember, even a short break can make a big difference.

2. Seek Support: Don't hesitate to reach out to family members, friends or community services. Sometimes, just having someone to talk to can lighten the emotional load. If possible, consider sharing the caregiving responsibilities so that you are not shouldering everything alone.

3. Engage in Spiritual Reflection: Use this time to draw closer to Allah. Recall your intention and opportunity to fulfil this ‘ibadah (worship). Reflect on the patience of the Prophets, who endured immense trials with steadfastness. Make dua for strength and ease, and know that every moment of hardship you endure is an opportunity for your sins to be forgiven and your rank in Paradise to be elevated.

4. Get Therapy: Sometimes, the burden we carry requires more than just personal strength and spiritual resilience. Speaking to a therapist, especially one who understands the intersection of faith and mental health, can be incredibly beneficial. They can help you process your emotions and develop strategies to cope with the stress.

Read: Spirituality and Mental Well-Being in Islam

Remember, every small act of kindness, every ache of exhaustion, every tear shed in this journey is witnessed by Allah s.w.t. None of it is in vain. You are doing something immensely valuable in the sight of Allah, and the rewards, insyaAllah, will be beyond your imagination.

Conclusion

The responsibility of caring for elderly parents is fulfilling and virtuous but it can also be physically, emotionally, and mentally draining, especially when dealing with challenging and demanding ageing parents. Neglecting one’s own well-being can make it harder to provide effective and holistic support to them. 

Therefore, embracing self-care is an essential aspect of the caregiving journey, and it is important not to feel guilty about prioritising one’s well-being because when we are in our best state, we are more capable and resilient to handle the challenges and reap the joys from caring for our parents. 

Lastly, do not hesitate to seek support and assistance from various organisations which also offer respite care and other resources. May Allah grant our elders health, comfort, and peace in their remaining years and bestow upon the caregivers strength, patience, and compassion while caring for them.

Here are some beneficial resources. 
- www.healthhub.sg/a-z/support-groups-and-others/caregiver_support_groups
- https://www.aic.sg/caregiving/managing-caregiver-stress/ 

References:

¹ Haji Yahanidi, R., Abd Rahmanii, M. R., & Mahyuddin, M. K. (2021). An analysis of the responsibility of a child towards parents based on Al-Adab Al-Mufrad by Imam Al-Bukhari

² Ahmad, S. (n.d.). Treatment of parents – Islamic teachings

³ Fritsche, S. (2013). Traditional Families Parents and children in the Qur’an as interpreted by Kathir, Qutb, and Qaradawi

⁴ Ng, A. (2017, April 23). Seniors on anti-dementia programme show improvement. The Straits Times.

⁵ Majlis Ugama Islam Singapura. (2019, April). Responsibility Towards Both Parents

⁶ Tan, T. (2024, February 7). Financial abuse of vulnerable adults an emerging issue: Masagos. The Straits Times.

⁷ Qadhi, Dr. Y. (2012, February 2). Yasir Qadhi: The etiquette of dealing with parents and the elderly. MuslimMatters.org

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